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Expert Q&A:
How can I help my toddler adjust to having a new baby sister?

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Lawrence Kutner
Answered by Lawrence Kutner PhD

"I'm both a clinical psychologist and a journalist," says Lawrence Kutner, "which means that I get paid to stick my nose in other people's business and to learn from their mistakes and their successes."

Lawrence Kutner, PhD (www.drkutner.com), is a nationally known clinical psychologist who trained at the Mayo Clinic and teaches at Harvard Medical School. From 1987 to 1994 he wrote the award-winning, weekly New York Times column "Parent & Child," which was syndicated throughout the United States. From 1991 to 1999 he was the child behavior and "Ask the Expert" columnist for Parents magazine.

He is currently a contributing editor of Parenting, Family Life, and Baby Talk magazines. The PBS special Adventures in Parenting, With Dr Lawrence Kutner has been broadcast nationally since 1993. He is a former talk show host on KGO radio in San Francisco.

Dr Kutner has been a consultant to the Children's Television Workshop, the Johann Jacobs Foundation (Zurich), The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States, and to major universities and corporations throughout the United States and Europe. He is a frequent guest on national television and radio networks. Dr Kutner received his bachelor's degree from Oberlin College in Ohio and his PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota. His recent books include Parent & Child: Getting Through to Each Other, Pregnancy and Your Baby's First Year, Toddlers and Preschoolers, Your School-Age Child, and Making Sense of Your Teenager.

Dr Kutner is the father of a 9-year-old son as well as a 21-year-old foster son from Romania. He and his family recently moved to Basel, Switzerland.

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Question


brothers and sistersMy 16-month-old son welcomed his new baby sister home a month ago and seemed to love her instantly. Now he's very upset. He won't eat like he used to and throws tantrums. I tried to introduce them properly by letting him touch her and show her all his toys. I try to pay equal attention to both except for breastfeeding the new baby and not my son. He recently stopped being breastfed. Is there anything I can do to help him?

Answer


Look at your son's jealousy from his perspective. Suddenly he has to share the most precious thing in his life: you. No wonder he's upset! The emotional regression he's showing is his way of letting you know that he still needs you. The best way to help him through this is to pay lots of attention to him when you're together and to spend extra time with him when his baby sister's asleep. Don't worry about whether you're paying "equal attention". That's impossible. If you focus on his needs at the moment, he'll soon accept his baby sister.
 
 
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